dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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