It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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