census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm determined to sit on that face.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
