i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
