Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
