i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
