Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
