I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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