She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Randomize
