hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
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