with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
