you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize