what day is it and did you see me today?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
