dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Randomize
