I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
