I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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