Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
