and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
they're like a gay fantastic four
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
