never play flip cup with pint glasses
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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