Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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