Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Randomize
