Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
