Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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