I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
