You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
