i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
