you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
