I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
You need a sexual gate keeper
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
