I cannot find my penis.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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