I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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