Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
