dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I woke up under a house in Key West
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
