just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
