yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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