Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
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