My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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