I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
