There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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