thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
