somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
