real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Randomize
