you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
