i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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