Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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