All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
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