Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
