My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
