So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
