Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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