mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
