I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
