i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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