Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize