My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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