I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
