I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm just crazy horny about you
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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