There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
