I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
