Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Still dying that you shit outside
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
