I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
