I hate all girls vehemently.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
