My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize