would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
