I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
