I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
You left your phone here
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