guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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