I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
