How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize