Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
