Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize