Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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