3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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