dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
