need another drink. this is the easiest way
Jerry, you need to find god
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
