This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Randomize
