My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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