update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
