dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
