separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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