Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
