We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
