I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize