What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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