im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
