chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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