My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
