I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
