Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
