the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
