somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
