When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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