I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
