textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
