I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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