I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
