Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
