everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize