Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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