i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
