I molested 6 butterflies tonight
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
