When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
