if i can run in heels then i can drive
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
