i already hear my dad disowning me
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
