Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Why is your signature on my underwear?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
