Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I will be naked everywhere
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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