jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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